Many people suffer from a tendency to overload their schedules, because it’s so darn hard to say no. And, once you’ve said yes, it’s even harder to back out of things because you don’t want to disappoint others. If you’re feeling overextended and out of balance, you may gain inspiration on what to do about it by reading George’s story.

            George’s schedule was so overloaded that he didn’t have time to concentrate or really connect to any one thing he was doing. He staggered from one task to the next, never taking any time to reflect, and spent his nights worrying about what he wasn’t doing or couldn’t get to. He asked me to “help him become more efficient” so that he could keep doing it all, but with less stress.

            George was trapped in an old-school belief that value and validation come from being able to do for others. His father had been a reverend, and his two older siblings had also chosen careers in service, but this deep-seated need to do for others was taking a physical toll on George.

            After a few hours of my most persuasive arguments, I finally convinced George that value doesn’t come from doing a zillion things at once and pleasing everyone. It’s derived from a personal, concentrated connection to what one does best. He wasn’t serving anyone if he worked himself into a heart attack or such a state of depression that he’s have to quit it all.

            I asked him what he wished he could say no to. Though his response was barely audible, it was immediate: (1) his role as a church deacon and (2) his committee chair for the statewide Read-In. He’d served as a deacon for many years, attending meetings every Thursday night (which kept him out until 11 p.m.) and getting to church every Sunday morning by 8 a.m. It was a political position that required navigating delicate relationships and mediating between several difficult personalities. The emotional energy required of his day job left him too depleted to handle this demanding interpersonal task.

            The committee chair position was just beginning. George had been critical in securing the funding and approval of the event, and then they begged him to take over as chair. At the time, he felt he couldn’t say no. But he dreaded the time commitment before him: eight weekends over the next four months, daily correspondence with administration officials, coordination of committee members, and months of follow-up after the event.

            With my encouragement, George gathered the courage to say no and resign these two positions. First at the deacon’s meeting, then at the monthly Read-In meeting, George explained that he was stretched too thin; that he wanted to help and was committed to both endeavors, but needed to pare back his involvements for the sake of his health and family.